Falling or Failing

Since Christmas I have really struggled with this diet, I am doing my best to stick to it but its so hard at times and I just cant help falling or failing either way where dieting is, I am doing both..  I got weighed off the nurse on the 13th January and I had put on 10lbs over Christmas.  To most people this is an example of me pigging out over Christmas but you just couldnt be further from the truth, I deliberatly did not buy to many chocolates or sweet things.. we didnt have the usual freezer filled with gateaux either this past Christmas.   On top of a lovely Christmas dinner followed by home made triffle I had a gall bladder attack and ended up being very ill on Christmas day night so I had to watch everything I ate after that or the bloody thing would have had me in hospital in pain.

So how on earth I put 10lb on I will never know.  I did however have a very swollen leg and I was due on anytime so may be that added to the weight the excess fluid I retain.

I really do believe I am fighting hard trying to keep myself back on track and filling in my fitnesss pal on a daily basis again, I have been exercising 3 times a week too.  I am feeling extremelly let down by Sunderland and it seems a life time away does September its going to take me forever to get there and I have considered going private but why should I pay!  There are people in this country that have this operation and from firt visit to Consultant to the operation its done in 12 weeks and yet some of us have to wait nearly a year at other hospitals for appointments.

I know that once I have this op I will still have to work hard and have will power, I will also see the weight loss as a reward.. I cant wait for this operation.. I just wish it would come sooner rather than later.

I have found this past week particularly hard as it is a year since my mum passed and I really do miss her and miss talking to her telling her about my daily chores, it was never alot just enough to keep us both content and filled in on what each other was up too.  I know where ever she is she will be watching over me..  trying her best to keep me on track.. it is hard and I have never wanted a cig as much either as I have this past week but I am pleased I havent succumbed to one.  Its now nearly 7 months since I stopped smoking.
Keep your fingers crossed for me I am going to do my best to stick on top of this diet this next week.